The Best Loser You Can Be

Isn't it funny how you make all these plans and stuff about the future and none of them turn out the way you wanted? And then you realize later that those plans that you had made would have totally screwed you up had they come to fruition. Of course, you don't know all this when you are making the plans. Yet, there is this innate urge to make plans and goals and dreams and whatnots. Why? Just so your mind can rest in peace thinking that it just organized the future? Poor mind, trying to control what is so obviously muddled chaos. That's why I hate telling my plans to people because things never really turn out that way. And then ur all like 'gosh darn, there i go again trying to control life, bad, bad me'. Maybe it's just me...but I feel like i'm losing face when I say somthing and it doesn't turn out that way at all. So can I not help but be secretive? Another technique is to totally downplay your life so that you seem like an utter loser. I mean, you would have enough self esteem to know that you're not BUT people don't expect much from you after that. SO...then when you secretly mastermind your own rising-from-the-ashes sorta thing, everybody would be oohing and aahing because it is such a surprise that such a loser would be doing well. And hot dog, that's what you wanted all along, right? The only downfall to this technique is that there is a tendency to actually believe what you yourself say and think that you are an actual loser. This might lead to discouragement and giving up when you think you can't do any better especially after even your own secret master-minded plans fall like last week's souffle. So the key is not to give up. Be persistant. Repeat to yourself " I can kick ass if I really want to" as your personal mantra. Believe that you are clever and devious enough to fool people into thinking that you are a loser when in fact you are not. Know thyself and Be thyself. Breathe Deep and Kick Ass, grasshopper.

ABAD

I used to be an ABCD (american born confused desi). And honestly, I totally dissed FOBs. That was before I went to Bangalore where I was so forcefully stuck in their shoes and became a FOB (fresh off the boat)myself. So I came back as a veritable amalgam of both worlds. I am neither one or the other. Just a lovely concoction. Since everyone is into creating new classifications (refer to LTOB (long-time-off-boat-desi article at www.littleindia.com)I though I'd come up with a new one too. ABAD: American Born Again Desi. Born again in the sense that love of desiness and desi-land was revived. So far, I only know of one other ABAD personally. A very rare species I guess. Most ABCDs who end up in India either stay in India (desi land) and become a full-fledged desis or come back to the USA and revert back to ABCD-ness.ABAD's are actually quite lovely people; able to balance and love both cultures and have a fantabulous time doing it. Of course, there are some FOBs and ABCDs who can do the same. Unlike some hostile desi purists, ABADs embrace the diversity that characterises India and Indians, no matter where the heck they were born or how long they lived anywhere.

Marriage

I really hate making decisions. It's so much easier to have someone tell me what to do and then blame them when things go wrong. I mean, to me, that would be the whole premise behind, oh lets say, arranged marriages? I mean, couldn't you possibly see someone saying "WEllll, gollllyy mom and dad, thanks for setting me up with whats-his-face. He's so ME" Of course that would be said with much evident saracasm as that same someone signs the divorce papers. That would be much easier though. To blame someone else. I go around pushing off marriage like Mr Perfect is just around the corner. I don't want to marry just because I think it's the right thing to do. Or marry someone just because I'm afraid I won't get anyone better. And then when I do marry and it turns out like hell, I have no one to blame but myself. Of course, half the fault would be his but I'm a perfectionist and if it went wrong it's because I didn't choose better. Of course the ABCD in me is like 'oh screw that indian b.s; i'll just date until i find mr perfect. so it might take me until i'm thirty. so i might never get married..so? so ? so??'. The FOB in me is like 'ayyo, ur parents know better and u can blame them in the end. at least, molay, you'll have a fantabulous wedding with all your relatives very much approving the boy because ur loving parents approve, na?' Marriage sucks. Of course I want a companion but, hell, why do I HAVE to get married? There's so much I want to do before that and I'm sure I couldn't possibly do all that with a whiny husband and a couple of young'uns. Mom is so like 'get married now before it's too late'. I swear, I'm starting to see marriage as death. Seems the end of the world. Why does Indian society seem to deem marriage, along with regeneration, as the goal of life?? Is the whole point in living to lose urself (your identity)to some weirdo who supposedly is your soul mate? And then eventually to some kids who won't appreciate you until you're dust. I've lived my whole life trying to figure out who I am and when I finally do, I have to share it with someone else??? Not fair, says I! Well, I'm still in my early 20s. No matter what anyone says, I still say I have time to be selfish. Yeah, selfish selfish selfish!