Marriage

I really hate making decisions. It's so much easier to have someone tell me what to do and then blame them when things go wrong. I mean, to me, that would be the whole premise behind, oh lets say, arranged marriages? I mean, couldn't you possibly see someone saying "WEllll, gollllyy mom and dad, thanks for setting me up with whats-his-face. He's so ME" Of course that would be said with much evident saracasm as that same someone signs the divorce papers. That would be much easier though. To blame someone else. I go around pushing off marriage like Mr Perfect is just around the corner. I don't want to marry just because I think it's the right thing to do. Or marry someone just because I'm afraid I won't get anyone better. And then when I do marry and it turns out like hell, I have no one to blame but myself. Of course, half the fault would be his but I'm a perfectionist and if it went wrong it's because I didn't choose better. Of course the ABCD in me is like 'oh screw that indian b.s; i'll just date until i find mr perfect. so it might take me until i'm thirty. so i might never get married..so? so ? so??'. The FOB in me is like 'ayyo, ur parents know better and u can blame them in the end. at least, molay, you'll have a fantabulous wedding with all your relatives very much approving the boy because ur loving parents approve, na?' Marriage sucks. Of course I want a companion but, hell, why do I HAVE to get married? There's so much I want to do before that and I'm sure I couldn't possibly do all that with a whiny husband and a couple of young'uns. Mom is so like 'get married now before it's too late'. I swear, I'm starting to see marriage as death. Seems the end of the world. Why does Indian society seem to deem marriage, along with regeneration, as the goal of life?? Is the whole point in living to lose urself (your identity)to some weirdo who supposedly is your soul mate? And then eventually to some kids who won't appreciate you until you're dust. I've lived my whole life trying to figure out who I am and when I finally do, I have to share it with someone else??? Not fair, says I! Well, I'm still in my early 20s. No matter what anyone says, I still say I have time to be selfish. Yeah, selfish selfish selfish!