Saturday, October 11, 2003

Lone Zone

I don't know why but I have a tendency to zone out when I'm with a large group of people. Hmm, I don't do that when I'm with a group of 3-4 people. Why is that? Am I too intimidated to have lots of people focus on me? So I just hush-up? I think that is it. In the meanwhile, I give off the impression as being some impenetrable pseudo-stoned daydreamer. In actuality, I'm a big wig wuss who's afraid of what people think of her if she opens her mouth or does anything attention-grabbing. I am reminded of those catatonic schizophrenic patients who try to sit perfectly still thinking that if they move, their world will crumble into fragments of chaos. In the same way, I move/speak less because the least I move the world, the better. The least I touch the world, the better. The least I make an impression of any kind, the better. Impressions can be good I guess but who is to say how people will view anything,