Doubt

I'm really rethinking my whole move to Fresno. Why did I come here? I thought I loved it but, now, I'm not so sure. I am lonely. I miss my family and my friends. Initially, I thought moving here would be a great way for me to assert my independence. I wanted to show everyone that I could do it. I could live by myself in a place I had never been before. However, I don't think I had completely thought about the consequences.
I've never liked being confined. I don't like to be boxed in and I would travel 1800 miles away from everything I ever knew just so I could assert my freedom. I think that to a certain extent, I was too comfortable at home and that was enough to trigger my cross-country migration. Was it wrong? What's wrong with being comfortable?
I'm in search of something. I can't stay in one place long enough before I go looking for it again. I thought my search was over now that I was here but after the last couple of weeks, I'm not so sure. I feel really sad and very disappointed. I think as long as I search, I will never be happy. But, if what I am searching for is happiness, what then?
A hopeless entry, dear reader. I apologize. The last last thing you needed to see was the stream-of-consciousness ramblings of lost soul.
But, there is light at the other end. All hope is not lost. Tomorrow can always be better than today and I hold onto that thought as day slips into night and I slip into sleep.

"Alone again, naturally..."

You know, I really hate that song. It's so pathetic and sad. However, I feel pathetic and sad today. Oh, I know why, so I'm not completely surprised. I felt like I was going to do a lot today but it ended up being a complete waste of a Saturday.
I cooked. That was it.
Oh, don't get me wrong. I like cooking but when you cook because you are bored, you have serious issues. I didn't even eat a lot of what I made. That's sad and pathetic, I think. Who was I cooking for anyway?
Blah! Again I spiral into the abyss of self-pity. The plans I had today were post-poned. Not by me, of course.
I know. I should be like the *bleep*ing leaf on the *bleep*ing river of life and go with the *bleep*ing flow. But sometimes, you are, like, "Why the *bleep* am I on this river?"
Sorry. I tend to cuss a lot when I'm angry. I guess most people do.
*sigh* Sorry to vent. I'm sure I'll get over it.